Motherhood: Year Two

I definitely remember a lot of people saying the 1st year of motherhood is the hardest. While this could be true in so many ways, I felt like I found myself during this 2nd year of motherhood.

WE ALL LOSE OURSELVES.

Yes, this sounds very negative. But the second you give birth, you become a new person. Your old self has to shed to allow the new skin of motherhood to take its form. For me, I even felt this change while I was still growing Dredyn inside of me. With that said, my first year of motherhood was spent learning how to keep a human alive the best way I could. I didn’t workout much, I wasn’t into makeup, I never went out, I was sure as hell not getting dolled up to have Andre take cute pics of me. In a sense, I lost a lot of myself and my individuality.

THERE SHE GOES

This second year of motherhood was ALOT. I made a lot of mistakes in the journey of finding myself but learned so much along the way. My character was tested, I hurt some people, and I made some stupid decisions. But I also picked up a basketball again, perfected my makeup craft, went out, turned up, got my self confidence back, embraced my identity as a queer mom, worked out, got a part time job, and started doing things that made, Rachol, happy. I unfollowed people that don’t inspire me, I blocked people who follow me just to keep tabs, I cut ties to people who no longer deserve access to me, I distanced myself from people who don’t respect my boundaries and disturbed the peace in my home, and my people pleasing self started saying NO. I also learned that I don’t have to give anyone an explanation for my, NO’s.

With this said, at times I even felt like I was finally putting myself first, something that was foreign for the last year. During this self discovery period, Andre and I had to distance ourselves from one another. I literally forgot who I was outside of motherhood and being Andre’s partner. Following Andre around all over the country really took a toll on me. So I took this time to relearn myself: my likes, my dislikes, my passion, etc.

PS: Big shoutout to Andre for rocking with me through the hardest year of our relationship, I couldn’t imagine doing life without you.

YEAR THREE

I can definitely say that going into year 3 of motherhood, my goal is to find a happy medium. How can I still be the best mom I can be while also doing what I love and not constantly feeling guilty while doing it? This is my biggest struggle, the internal argument that goes on in my head between Motherhood and Individuality. Some days, doing my hair and makeup to take pictures or go out makes me happy: it’s fun and it’s how I foster my creativity. I will blast music, put on Youtube videos, and tell Andre not to bother me for 2 hours unless its an emergency, lol. Later on in the night, I will mentally beat myself up in bed for ignoring Dredyn for 2 hours that day. As I sit on the couch and work on this blog post, I’m feeling mom guilt that Dredyn is in his room playing alone. These are the battles I’m trying to work on. They sound so stupid but for some reason, Mom Guilt just never goes away. I’m at a place right now where I’m not sure what I’m passionate about. I know I want to work but I’m just in the process of figuring out what I enjoy. I’m also terrified to leave Dredyn. I spend all day everyday with him, he is my life, he is my job, and I’m not quite sure how ready I am to spend 5-7 hours a day away from him. But hopefully I’ll be able to update you all with a Job Announcement soon! *fingers crossed.

THE BEST PART

The best part of this 2nd year of motherhood has been Dredyn’s communication development. Whether its words in his own language, the English language, sign language, or only being able to say “Yes” in Espanol, I am so amazed by how he communicates what he wants/needs. Year one of motherhood you have to rely on instincts, process of elimination, and educated guesses for a whole year lol. Now that he is learning how to communicate, It is so fascinating.

Mom Tip: ALOT of tantrums are caused by children not being able to communicate their needs. Making communication flashcards can teach your little to ask for daily things that they can’t quite say yet. EX: create a card that has a photo of their favorite fruit, or a photo of the actual park they go to. If they are fussy you can use these cards to figure out what they want.

BABY FEVER BABY #2

Let’s just get this out of the way now. Most of y’all follow me and have seen how hectic and unpredictable our life is. Now that we have a home it’s more stable, but I couldn’t imagine traveling right now with a newborn and a toddler. However, if it happens sooner than later, I’m totally down because my ovaries have been screaming lately, lmfao.

I definitely think that birthdays are just as important as Parenthood Anniversaries. The same day your little one was born, a new “You” is also born. Happy Year 2 of Motherhood to me! It’s my MAMA-versary!!!